Indeed, it is hard to pull the good times of our early years out from under the weight of the bad. I'm so glad you were able to prevail in spite of all the bad. I'm glad you could remember there was good, in spite of how it intersects with the evil done to you.
It's not bad training for the times we now find ourselves, if you think about it.
Your raft is a thing of beauty. You are the next generation of Jamie Summers...super powered and inspiring. I always come away from reading your posts knowing a little more about you, much appreciated. ❤️
Thank you. ❤️ You’re bionic, too. Only for real. I was thinking about how much we learn about each other here. Makes for fast and deep friendships. I will always be grateful.
Rita has said so well what I was feeling about seeing your collage and reading your honest and beautifully written words. Thank you for sharing this, Wendy - and it also presents a tool to assist me in my own process. 🙂💜
I’m so happy to hear that, Marijane. I loved Rita’s comment, too. She helped ME understand what it was all about. That’s what these conversations do. Thank you for being a part of it.
I love looking at the collage after reading the words, and how it now has different meanings than I originally saw. I love the ways in which the essay is a collage. But mostly, I love the way that you probably said the things you wanted to say in those writings that didn't say what you wanted to, by coming at it sideways. This is absolutely a piece about childhood, and also absolutely a piece about how to live through today. It's just beautiful, Wendy.
“coming at it sideways” Yes, I think that’s exactly right. Thank you for adding a whole new level of understanding to what it is and why I wrote it. It’s hard to hold all of the feelings and memories. The happy right beside (and connected to) the sad. It’s always enmeshed. For me. I so appreciate you, Rita. ❤️
I wish it were easier. All good or all bad. Or at least, for god’s sake, islands (big ones—massive!) of good and “contained” bad. But it isn’t. It’s messy. And I’m still learning how to manage that.
I think it's the mix that helps us survive the bad. I'd kind of hate to have the bad isolated. Especially on an island! Sounds like the setting for a horror movie.
Insightful of you. I regretted it as soon as I (impulsively) hit publish. Wished I could take it back. Too sad? Too vulnerable? Ack. The comments—all the love—made it worth it.
Every image on that collage is a window into your world, and I'm grateful to be able to see inside a bit more clearly now. It's something, yes? A tangible way to clear the overgrowth from the neural pathways that lead somewhere less terrifying. You can't pretend there isn't a whole lot of terrible in your childhood stories, but I'm glad you're trying to give the better stuff a leg up. And I'm glad your current stories are mostly good...except for what is clearly not good at all. :sigh:
Yes, I've got my eyes trained on any light I can see, and I've got friends like you helping me keep air in my life raft. Thank you, Wendy.
Thank YOU. I still feel a little squirmy about having posted this essay. I’m finding my way in what to write (and share) and why. Even expanding on the positive within the negative acknowledges the context of negative. It’s entangled. I’m torn between thinking I should allow those icky memories (probably?) or actively stop thinking about it until I start to forget. It’s a process. Am I feeding it? I just want to resolve and let go. But I’m very thankful for you.
You don't need my opinion, nor did you ask for it -- but I think what you're doing is exactly what you should be doing. Trust your process, if you can.
Thank you always for sharing your bright light, Wendy. I shall try the collage as well; our stories may weight us down, but they can also set us free.
I love this quote by Camus and feel you may like it too:
"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back."
Love from one fighter to another. Hope to meet you in person one day.
This is so beautiful, Wendy. I’m so glad you shared it. It makes me feel hopeful. It’s a reminder to me of how strong and resourceful we humans can be. I so love learning about young Wendy. You’ve stirred my own memories, of favorite TV shows (which we have in common—I especially loved poignant, melancholy quality of The Incredible Hulk), lots of time on my own in the woods behind my house, loving to read, close relationships with my teachers, especially my third grade teacher Mrs. Meller, and so on.
I hear you loud and clear: my head was nodding along with everything you said and experienced. I feel we could have been good friends as kids, biking around the neighborhood, reading under a tree, visiting the library. I loved my trips to the library and bringing home armloads of books to read. Your collage of all the good things is wonderful. And even better, you’re here sharing your art, words and experiences.
My friend, thank you for inviting back into your childhood - the horse nose, the trees and salamanders and ofc the Hulk and Bionic Woman...I loved watching little Wendy bee-bop around unsupervised (I did too!)
In Death Stranding (I got the name wrong), she is the president of the United States and dies of cancer in a world that has gone through something like nuclear holocaust. Her "daughter" is meant to take her place and looks like a young Lindsay Wagner. It's just so funny that this game designer from Asia chose her. https://deathstranding.fandom.com/wiki/Lindsay_Wagner
I love this piece for so many reasons. I love your art. I relate to writing and not sharing and feeling that writing isn't the source of peace, at least that's how I interpreted what you wrote. And, as the product of a traumatic childhood, reading your memories had me remembering the safe spaces and intermittent feelings of freedom. Thank you for the trip down positive memory lane.
Your interpretation is spot on. I’m so sorry you can relate, but so glad you had those bright spots, too. We needed them. It’s incredible to me how children find the light wherever and whenever they can.
Thank you Wendy for sharing your story. So true how we often get stuck in the negative events of our lives. I'm sure (and hope) that this collage and all the reminiscing you went through while doing it, has been like a cleaning mop for your body and mind.
PS: You write beautifully. Love how your spirit shines through! Sending hugs.
Wendy, oh my your writing hits me hard today as our lives so mirror one another. This too is why I'm struggling to write. Those "landmines" are so very close it's hard to maneuver around them. And the current events that are constant reminders of that pain and helplessness. Thank you for reminding me to look for the good moments. xx
CONSTANT reminders! It’s why this whole thing is so traumatic. Why it’s so baffling that others chose it (like my sister, who grew up in the same ugly environment that I did). I think you do a wonderful job looking for the good. And you’re so brave, forming the life that you want and need. The landmines…ugh. They’re everywhere. Here’s something I realized after publishing this essay—it’s not journal writing that’s hard and unhelpful, it’s essay writing, because the essays require so much time and energy and rereading. Immersion. And that is too much right now. I haven’t journaled in awhile. Art has been my band aid. But I might try again soon. x
Thank you for the kindness. And yes, I journal almost daily again, but the essays just stop me cold for all the reasons you shared. Hopefully I'll get past all that, but I know my mind is busy planning other things right now. Art definately helps too, but I haven't painted in weeks, lots of sketching though, as helps calm my mind a bit too. I'm glad you're finding some refuge in that as well. And what beautiful "refuge" it is for all of us to enjoy as well. 🩷
Indeed, it is hard to pull the good times of our early years out from under the weight of the bad. I'm so glad you were able to prevail in spite of all the bad. I'm glad you could remember there was good, in spite of how it intersects with the evil done to you.
It's not bad training for the times we now find ourselves, if you think about it.
I'm glad you are here.
For sure it was training for now. As blindsided as I am, I could have been more so. And thank you. I’m so very glad you’re here, too.
Your raft is a thing of beauty. You are the next generation of Jamie Summers...super powered and inspiring. I always come away from reading your posts knowing a little more about you, much appreciated. ❤️
Thank you. ❤️ You’re bionic, too. Only for real. I was thinking about how much we learn about each other here. Makes for fast and deep friendships. I will always be grateful.
Rita has said so well what I was feeling about seeing your collage and reading your honest and beautifully written words. Thank you for sharing this, Wendy - and it also presents a tool to assist me in my own process. 🙂💜
I’m so happy to hear that, Marijane. I loved Rita’s comment, too. She helped ME understand what it was all about. That’s what these conversations do. Thank you for being a part of it.
I love looking at the collage after reading the words, and how it now has different meanings than I originally saw. I love the ways in which the essay is a collage. But mostly, I love the way that you probably said the things you wanted to say in those writings that didn't say what you wanted to, by coming at it sideways. This is absolutely a piece about childhood, and also absolutely a piece about how to live through today. It's just beautiful, Wendy.
“coming at it sideways” Yes, I think that’s exactly right. Thank you for adding a whole new level of understanding to what it is and why I wrote it. It’s hard to hold all of the feelings and memories. The happy right beside (and connected to) the sad. It’s always enmeshed. For me. I so appreciate you, Rita. ❤️
It's enmeshed like that for me, too. You captured it so well. So much more layered than nostalgia or other one-note emotions.
I wish it were easier. All good or all bad. Or at least, for god’s sake, islands (big ones—massive!) of good and “contained” bad. But it isn’t. It’s messy. And I’m still learning how to manage that.
I think it's the mix that helps us survive the bad. I'd kind of hate to have the bad isolated. Especially on an island! Sounds like the setting for a horror movie.
Ha. This is a fair point.
Thank you for this powerful piece - I feel as though it was wrenched out from you 🫂
Insightful of you. I regretted it as soon as I (impulsively) hit publish. Wished I could take it back. Too sad? Too vulnerable? Ack. The comments—all the love—made it worth it.
Just very true, honest and vulnerable 😍
Thank you, dear Janey. ❤️
gorgeous
Thank you, Marianne! And for the share, too. I loved your last essay (Gary!). I need to reread before I comment. Glad you’re here.
glad you’re here too, Wendy.
Every image on that collage is a window into your world, and I'm grateful to be able to see inside a bit more clearly now. It's something, yes? A tangible way to clear the overgrowth from the neural pathways that lead somewhere less terrifying. You can't pretend there isn't a whole lot of terrible in your childhood stories, but I'm glad you're trying to give the better stuff a leg up. And I'm glad your current stories are mostly good...except for what is clearly not good at all. :sigh:
Yes, I've got my eyes trained on any light I can see, and I've got friends like you helping me keep air in my life raft. Thank you, Wendy.
Thank YOU. I still feel a little squirmy about having posted this essay. I’m finding my way in what to write (and share) and why. Even expanding on the positive within the negative acknowledges the context of negative. It’s entangled. I’m torn between thinking I should allow those icky memories (probably?) or actively stop thinking about it until I start to forget. It’s a process. Am I feeding it? I just want to resolve and let go. But I’m very thankful for you.
You don't need my opinion, nor did you ask for it -- but I think what you're doing is exactly what you should be doing. Trust your process, if you can.
I very much want your opinion whenever you want to share it. I appreciate your input. And I will try. ❤️
Thank you always for sharing your bright light, Wendy. I shall try the collage as well; our stories may weight us down, but they can also set us free.
I love this quote by Camus and feel you may like it too:
"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back."
Love from one fighter to another. Hope to meet you in person one day.
This is such a kind comment. And I love Camus. He was brilliant. We are here. We are still shining. Love and hugs to you, Alba. ❤️
This is so beautiful, Wendy. I’m so glad you shared it. It makes me feel hopeful. It’s a reminder to me of how strong and resourceful we humans can be. I so love learning about young Wendy. You’ve stirred my own memories, of favorite TV shows (which we have in common—I especially loved poignant, melancholy quality of The Incredible Hulk), lots of time on my own in the woods behind my house, loving to read, close relationships with my teachers, especially my third grade teacher Mrs. Meller, and so on.
Thank you so much. I can well imagine young Sara, too, and how much our loves would have overlapped.
I hear you loud and clear: my head was nodding along with everything you said and experienced. I feel we could have been good friends as kids, biking around the neighborhood, reading under a tree, visiting the library. I loved my trips to the library and bringing home armloads of books to read. Your collage of all the good things is wonderful. And even better, you’re here sharing your art, words and experiences.
We would have been friends. I’m so glad we are now. ❤️
Me too ❤️
Yes, she did!
My friend, thank you for inviting back into your childhood - the horse nose, the trees and salamanders and ofc the Hulk and Bionic Woman...I loved watching little Wendy bee-bop around unsupervised (I did too!)
A lot of us did! And thank goodness. Anything outside my house was welcome freedom.
In Death Stranding (I got the name wrong), she is the president of the United States and dies of cancer in a world that has gone through something like nuclear holocaust. Her "daughter" is meant to take her place and looks like a young Lindsay Wagner. It's just so funny that this game designer from Asia chose her. https://deathstranding.fandom.com/wiki/Lindsay_Wagner
That's so cool. I can only dream about a US president as smart, strong, and honorable as Jaime Sommers. Actually, Jacinda Ardern had those vibes.
I love this piece for so many reasons. I love your art. I relate to writing and not sharing and feeling that writing isn't the source of peace, at least that's how I interpreted what you wrote. And, as the product of a traumatic childhood, reading your memories had me remembering the safe spaces and intermittent feelings of freedom. Thank you for the trip down positive memory lane.
Your interpretation is spot on. I’m so sorry you can relate, but so glad you had those bright spots, too. We needed them. It’s incredible to me how children find the light wherever and whenever they can.
Thank you Wendy for sharing your story. So true how we often get stuck in the negative events of our lives. I'm sure (and hope) that this collage and all the reminiscing you went through while doing it, has been like a cleaning mop for your body and mind.
PS: You write beautifully. Love how your spirit shines through! Sending hugs.
Thank you so much, Jeannine. Sending hugs right back. ❤️
Wendy, oh my your writing hits me hard today as our lives so mirror one another. This too is why I'm struggling to write. Those "landmines" are so very close it's hard to maneuver around them. And the current events that are constant reminders of that pain and helplessness. Thank you for reminding me to look for the good moments. xx
CONSTANT reminders! It’s why this whole thing is so traumatic. Why it’s so baffling that others chose it (like my sister, who grew up in the same ugly environment that I did). I think you do a wonderful job looking for the good. And you’re so brave, forming the life that you want and need. The landmines…ugh. They’re everywhere. Here’s something I realized after publishing this essay—it’s not journal writing that’s hard and unhelpful, it’s essay writing, because the essays require so much time and energy and rereading. Immersion. And that is too much right now. I haven’t journaled in awhile. Art has been my band aid. But I might try again soon. x
Thank you for the kindness. And yes, I journal almost daily again, but the essays just stop me cold for all the reasons you shared. Hopefully I'll get past all that, but I know my mind is busy planning other things right now. Art definately helps too, but I haven't painted in weeks, lots of sketching though, as helps calm my mind a bit too. I'm glad you're finding some refuge in that as well. And what beautiful "refuge" it is for all of us to enjoy as well. 🩷
Likewise. And I hope you do write about Portugal. In your own good time and not a moment sooner. 😊❤️
I will. The trip home was chaotic at best, still catching up on sleep.